Weekly Appointment Update

I had another prenatal appointment at CHOP yesterday. Dad came with me this time to help me with the driving.

My appointment well. Luna passed the biophysical with flying colors which was great to see/hear. Doctors say she is growing nicely and doing a good job of practicing her breathing. My amniotic fluid is still normal as well. Considering those things, docs say I could stay home until March 10th. I just have to take it easy. I'm so happy to hear that.

But I realize that there's no way to avoid the impending reality. February flew right by us and March is already upon us which is really freaking me out. Although things are looking ok so far, I have a feeling Luna will be making her arrival towards the end of this month (and not April 1st). I'm just praying things continue to move in our favor.

Another Prenatal Appt

So this week has been pretty eventful. For starters, I was officially discharged from my regular OB's and completely transferred my care over to CHOP. I also went in for another prenatal appointment in Philly. Mom and my brother came along for the ride this time. It was a beautiful day and I prayed for an equally good appointment. Overall, it went well. Luna is weighing in at approximately 5 pounds, 15 ounces. Her heart rate sounds great and my amniotic fluid is normal. Being that everything is going well (considering), the doctor said I can stay home for another week before relocating to Philly. I was really happy to hear that since deep down inside I did not want to relocate just yet. At least now I get to spend another week at home where things seem somewhat normal and I'm happy, comfortable, and with my husband.

On another note, Friday was my last day at work. Under different circumstances (i.e., a completely healthy pregnancy) I would be so excited to leave work and look forward to getting a nursery ready and bringing home a baby. But since those aren't our circumstances, as I left work I couldn't help but feel very anxious because I know that my life and who I am will never be the same. But this week I've rediscovered a relatively good sense of comfort knowing that Luna will be in excellent hands at CHOP.

The fear is still there though. Even more so now that we're getting closer and closer to Luna's birthday. But I know I have so much to be thankful for, particularly the fact that she's still growing inside of me. I just pray that she stays in for as long as she can so that her chances at recovery are optimal. In the meantime, I will just keep staring at this beautiful little face....

2nd prenatal appointment at CHOP

This past week I had my second prenatal appointment at CHOP. Riq wasn't able to make it this time so my mom came along. We were lucky to get nice weather for the drive to Philly. Once there, I had an ultrasound and got to see Luna. She seemed to behave a little more this time and managed to not move around as much and let the sonographer get all her measurements quickly. She's measuring at approximately 3.11 pounds. I'm so happy to know that she is at such a healthy weight. We also got to get a nice close up picture of her face which always makes me smile in the midst of my fears. I was then able to talk to one of the midwives on staff and discuss labor and delivery. Talking to her made me feel about 60% better about the whole L&D process. She seemed to have a very calm aura to her and reassured me that they will do everything they can to make the experience as untraumatic as possible. We then met with one of the neonatologists who did a great job of carefully explaining how Luna will be cared for at delivery and all the things that can happen afterwards. We then got to visit the NICU. Although it was my second visit, I really wanted my mom to visit so that she can get a better idea of what CDH babies have to endure. She seemed to handle it pretty well and was impressed with how well the babies are cared for. As for me, I figured exposing myself to the NICU as much as possible before Luna gets here will make it a less scary place once she's there.

10 weeks to go...

We are 10 weeks away from meeting our daughter. Like every other mother-to-be I'm super excited to meet my little girl who's been movin' and groovin' inside of me for the past 7 months. However, unlike every other mother-to-be, I’m scared out of my mind because of my daughter's R-CDH. I’m scared that she won't make it soon after birth. I’m scared that she will have to fight her CDH for a long time and be hooked up to machines which will prevent us from holding and comforting her. I’m scared that I won’t be strong enough to deal with whatever is to come.

These fears along with a million other thoughts consume me as we get closer and closer to my due date. I’m trying really, really, really hard to not let them take over and instead try to focus on staying as stress-free as possible and keep her inside of me as long as possible. I know the coming weeks are going to fly by. I have a million things to do before I leave for Philadelphia in a few weeks. I just hope and pray everything goes as smoothly as possible.

CHERUBS HOPE tote bag

I've been meaning to share this wonderful act of kindness and support that we received from the CHERUBS organization after joining their online community back in December. It is a H.O.P.E. tote bag. The acronym stands for Helping Other Parents Expecting.

The tote bag includes a ton of support items and information for parents expecting a CDH baby such as a teddy bear, baby blanket, booties, journal, picture frame, baby hat, disposable camera, hand/footprints kit, CDH baby book, CDH parent reference guide, and various other items. Most of these items have been donated by other CDH families in honor or in memory of their cherubs.

I am so thankful for our tote bag. I have already started using the journal and have the rest of the items all ready to go for when we leave for Philly. If you are parent whose baby is facing a CDH diagnosis please, please, please go to the CHERUBS site to learn about the many ways this organization can support and inform you during your journey.

I look forward to the day when we can pay this act of kindness forward and contribute to creating HOPE tote bags for future CDH families.

Happy New Year??

So 2011 is officially behind us and 2012 has just begun. I'm not quiet sure how to feel about today. I usually get so excited for the new year, its accompanying celebrations, and resolutions, but since receiving our diagnosis haven't been one to celebrate much. Riq and I spent a very nice, quiet New Year's Eve together last night. We spent the entire day together, then enjoyed a delicious dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, then came back home, slipped into our pj's and watched the ball drop. It was very nice. I couldn't imagine saying goodbye to 2011 with anyone else.  2011 had its ups and lots of downs, but together we made it through. He stood with me through my darkest moments and helped me find beauty in the better moments. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful soul as my partner.

He did such a beautiful job documenting 2011 through his 365 Project in which he took a picture every day of the year...here it is for you to check out Riq's 2011 365 Project

2011 also continued to bless me with the most supportive parents around. I am so grateful that they are healthy and happy. I am also grateful for the rest of our family and friends whose love and positive energy continue to inspire and guide us. I'm also grateful that Riq and I were able to work and provide for each other this year. I am also grateful that I was able to pull myself closer to God. It was through His love that I found the strength to believe that I WILL be happy again. And I was. I was very happy. But now I'm scared. I'm scared of what 2012 could hold in store for us, but I will not give up hope. 2011 made me a stronger person. I will stand up and face whatever is to come. I'm ready.

First official appointment at CHOP

Since we've transferred our care to CHOP we've started our regular appointments there starting yesterday. Luckily Riq was off yesterday and made the 2 hour drive down to Philly with me. We were scheduled for a routine appointment (weight, urine, bp, etc) with an ultrasound. I was really looking forward to seeing our baby girl again. She looks good (considering) and was super, super active. We even got to see her hiccup for a bit which was really cute. She's weighting in at about 2 pounds, 2 ounces which is a good weight. Her chest and abdomen look the same, nothing has worsen and nothing has improved.

Then we got to talk to the nurse practitioner about things to keep in mind for the rest of the pregnancy which answered a lot of questions that were running through my mind. First, in case of any kind of emergency they want me to get to my home hospital first and then call CHOP to see if I have to drive down there. I also asked whether I should continue to see my regular OB at home. They encourage me to continue seeing her on the off weeks that I don't go to CHOP just so that I'm constantly being monitored. She also provided us with info on child birth classes which we'll probably do online. I just don't want to go to a traditional child birth class and be surrounded by couples who are gushing over their perfectly normal pregnancies. We're going through enough, we don't need that pain as well. I then asked about when they would like me to permanently stay in Philly. She stated normally they would want me to stay nearby at around 34-36 weeks. The nurse practitioner then scheduled our next appointment in four weeks during which I'll have another ultrasound, routine check-up, as well as meetings with the neonatologist (to talk more in detail about Luna's care once she arrives) and a social worker (to talk about housing options for my stay in Philly).

I was emotionally, mentally, and physically wiped out by the time we got home last night. The appointment, more specifically the planning for what is to come, was much more overwhelming than I expected it to be. I'm scared and I'm exhausted. Like I've said before I'm pulling all my strength from Riq...as well as the Lord...I just hope he's listening.